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Free dating tips and advice
Permalink - Posted on 2021-09-09 14:07
Hey ladies, here’s the good news – the perfect fella DOES exist!
The bad news (for you, anyway) is that he’s all mine and we’ve been living together in domestic bliss for the last nine years.
Jaffy is half Collie, half Labrador – and a total inspiration. While we humans frequently look to friends, the internet or self-help books for guidance, dogs instinctively “get it”. When we slow our busy lives down long enough to tune into their wavelength and observe them, they can teach us some valuable lessons.
Here’s a selection of some of the things Jaffy’s taught me about love, relationships and getting the most out of life:
You know that amazing feeling when someone you love’s completely focused on you? It makes you go all warm and fuzzy inside; there’s nothing quite like it. Dogs are brilliant at that. Even when I’m saying something undeniably dull (“must get some more milk later”), Jaffy looks into my eyes and listens as though it’s a fascinating pearl of wisdom.
Jaffy doesn’t worry about whether his future’s going to match his expectations. In fact he probably doesn’t have any expectations. And he certainly doesn’t waste time worrying about past mistakes (does he even remember chewing up the landline and disappearing for three hours at 2am?). Nope – he’s too busy enjoying the here and now.
Of course this is so much easier said than done. But Jaffy manages it. I’d give anything to have even a fraction of his emotional consistency. He lets people know he loves them and never sulks if he doesn’t get his way. Or worry there’s something wrong with him if his beloved doesn’t feel like playing.
He couldn’t care less about trying to be cool, mysterious or hard to get. He’s just… Jaffy. If we pretend to be something that we’re not, then how can we be authentic in our relationships? And how can we be sure that someone loves us for who we really are – flaws and all?
When Jaffy’s happy he wants to share it with everyone. Big grin all over his face, eyes shining, tail wagging so hard he can’t keep still. It makes us all smile with him. And he doesn’t care how daft he looks rolling down the hill on his back with his mouth wide open. It’s fun, so why not do it?
If someone’s not interested in Jaffy (how dare they?!), he’ll move on to a more receptive person or else have a dignified lie-down in his basket. He doesn’t obsess about how to win their love. He knows there’s no need to beg anyone to like him.
Jaffy treats me exactly the same whether I’m glammed up for a night out, slobbing around in ancient jeans, or something in between. The “packaging” doesn’t make any difference to him; he knows I’m still the same person inside.
Jaffy always senses if I’m feeling down. He doesn’t assume it’s his fault or try to fix me. He just snuggles up close, reassuring me with a paw and a pair of velvety brown eyes that everything will be ok. Often that’s all we need when things get difficult – to know that someone’s quietly and unconditionally there for us.
When life’s complicated, dogs show us how to get back on track again. Do we look after ourselves in the way we look after them? Do we make sure that we eat quality food, get lots of fresh air and exercise, drink plenty of water and sleep when we’re tired? Those deceptively simple actions can make all the difference to how we view the world.
Permalink - Posted on 2021-09-06 15:57
The question everyone wants to know is how to become the bad boy women love, without being a complete and utter tw*t. You can become a bad boy without having to change into someone who you despise. Come on, you must have watched a bad boy in action and thought, “Man I wish I was more like him, though I would not want to be an ass like he is.”
At the end of the day, being a bad boy doesn’t mean you need to do some crazy, dangerous or bad ass stuff. It don’t mean you need to treat women poorly or with no respect. To become a bad boy you just need to demonstrate the qualities that the bad boy possesses. To become certified bad ass you need to be somebody who is confident, strong willed, has a ‘don’t care’ attitude and leads an exciting lifestyle. These sorts of qualities are useful in all walks of life, and especially in meeting and attracting hot, sexy, high-class women.
When you look at the typical bad boy, the majority of the time you will think that he is a bit of an asshole. He may come across as someone who has flagrant disregard for women and their feelings. Yet they are someone who women flock to like ‘ducks to water’. Women just can’t seem to get enough of these bad boys. The thing is, not all of them are disrespectful or intentionally hurtful, so try to see past your initial judgement of them and open your mind so you can learn from their behaviours.
How to become the bad boy women love, with out being a complete jerk.
Part of the bad boy exterior is having a huge belief in himself. He is somebody who not only acts like he is god’s gift, but he also believes he is. You need to have this belief that all women want you. Insecurities about yourself have to be left behind and instead carry this aura of total awesomeness. Instead of you feeling lucky because a girl likes you, instead make them feel they are lucky because you like them.
Women love men who are sexually confident. Women want men who are confident lovers. This doen’t mean acting like a jerk and leering at women or making crude references. It just means that you are comfortable when it comes to letting your sexual prowess unfold whilst speaking and interacting with a woman. This conveys a sense that you know what you are doing when you get into the bedroom.
Bad boys don’t care what women think of them. In fact they couldn’t care less what anyone thinks of them. You should never change who you are for anybody, especially a women. If they don’t like you for who you are, then you should be saying, “Jog on”. The more interesting and action packed your life is, the better. Do awesome, fun stuff and women will want to be around you.
Women are renowned for testing guys. They may, for example, try to see how much they can get you to do for them. You need to nip this in bud right from the start. From now on you ain’t gonna take no sh*t off women. You need to stand your ground when it comes to making decisions. You need to run any relationship by your rules. If she tries to undermine you or she says something that you disagree then say something. You ain’t there to be a doormat so don’t let her treat you like one.
Having an air of mystery around you can be very attractive to women. You want to keep her guessing. She will find this intriguing and so will ask questions to try and delve deeper. Now you have established the concept that she is vying for your attention and not the other way around. Women will love this.
Desperation is a big no no. You don’t want to seem desperate around women. This is definitely a big turn off. Instead you want them chasing you because you are this cool, awesome guy who has so much choice when it comes to women that you don’t really need any woman in particular. As they always say in life “You want what you can’t have”. If women think that it will be a struggle to get your attention then they will try that much harder to get it.
This is just a basic guideline in your quest to become a bad boy. Let’s be honest, becoming a player isn’t easy but someone’s gotta do it. With your new bad-ass, bad boy demeanour, it should be that little bit easier
Permalink - Posted on 2021-09-06 15:44
Here is a list of the top 10 really bad love songs to sing to any girl ever. Listening to love songs is one thing but singing them is another matter. Yeah some of these maybe considered great love songs. They may even be considered some of the greatest love songs of all time. However when you look at the words you begin to wonder… Enjoy.
The Police “Every Breath You Take” – That’s something you really want to listen to when you’re in the car… a song that’s dedicated to all the stalkers out there! You’ve got to wonder what Sting’s logic was at the time; How he can even think he can try and make this sound romantic is beyond me. I’m pretty sure it would creep the hell out of you if you’re lying in bed and a girl’s whispering these lyrics in your ear!
‘Every breath you take
Every move you make
Every bond you break
Every step you take
I’ll be watching you’
James Blunt “You’re Beautiful” – Okay so if your ‘life is brilliant’, then why are you getting hung up over a girl who has a boyfriend? Come on man, you met the girl once on a subway! The other big no-no in this song is the fact he focuses solely on her looks. Women don’t appreciate this. They prefer men to comment on their decision making such as ”nice jacket” or ”your hair looks nice”. James you chump!
You’re beautiful its true
I saw your face
In a crowded place
And I don’t know what to do
’cause I’ll never be with you’
Meat Loaf “I’d Lie For You” – Why? Why would you do that? You should never do things for a girl, which can lower your values and principles.
‘I’d lie for you and that’s the truth
Do anything you ask me to
I’d even sell my soul for you
I’d do it all for you
If you’d just believe in me’
Richard Marx “I Will Be Right Here Waiting For You” – Right, I feel Mr. Marx has officially turned into quite the stalker towards one girl in particular… poor bugger. ‘Oneitis’ in full flow. This girl has left him for whatever reason and rather than pick himself up and move one he’d rather sit alone and whine about it. And besides what makes that girl so special to all the other women out there? It just proves the point that all women are the same; it’s just at times you may build a fixation with one girl and start to believe she’s in a league of her own. Not the way to go about it…
‘Wherever you go, whatever you do,
I will be right here waiting for you.
Whatever it takes or how my heart breaks,
I will be right here waiting for you.’
Stevie Wonder “I Just Called To Say I Love You” – Saying you love a girl a lot can actually put her off. Especially early on in a relationship. There is no need to say it all the time anyways. The odd one hear and then is needed, however it is more important to show her by treating her with respect and looking after her. Just like you would for a close friend or family. Though I can just imagine it, she is laying in bed drifting off to sleep when she gets a call and the person rasps “I love you”. Not the best…
‘I just called to say I love you
I just called to say how much I care
I just called to say I love you
And I mean it from the bottom of my heart’
Avant “I Wanna Be Close” – There’s a few things that are wrong with this song. Okay, it’s a good thing you want “to be everything your man’s not”, but why would you give her everything? This is a big no-no as it just looks like you’ve got anything else to add to the relationship. If you try and give her everything she wants, after a while she completely lose interest in you because it seems you haven’t got a backbone. Plus, can anyone explain to me why on earth you would “to be the hat you put on your head”!?
‘I wanna be the smile
you put on your face
I wanna be your hands
when you say your grace
I wanna be whatever
is your favorite place, oh
I just wanna be close
I wanna be the hat you put on your head
I wanna be the sheets
you put on your bed
I wanna be the skirt
wrapped around your legs
Oh, I just wanna be close’
Bryan Adams “Everything I do I do It For You” – Wrong Wrong Wrong. Whatever you do in life you do for yourself. You can do nice stuff for others. Whether that’s because it’s their Birthday, Christmas or because you are just feeling a little generous. However you should never be doing stuff just for women, especially if it’s something you don’t want to do but think it will help your chance of success. Like dying.
‘Don’t tell me it’s not worth tryin’ for
You can’t tell me it’s not worth dyin’ for
You know it’s true
Everything I do – I do it for you’
Billy Ocean “Get Out Of My Dreams, Get Into My Car” – Now I’m pretty certain that if you ever started to compare your girl to a car, she is not going to be impressed with you. And I would seriously be impressed if he is a “non-stop lover” and want know his secrets! Seriously though, not all women would be keen to jump into the back seat of your car as soon as they meet you. And by the sounds of it, he sounds pretty obsessive about his girl. I mean, he’s apparently dreaming about her. Overall, definitely not the right mind set to have when approaching women…
‘Get outta my dreams
Get into my car
Get outta my dreams
Get in the back seat baby
Get into my car
Beep beep, yeah
Get outta my mind
Get into my life
Oh I said hey (Hey) you (You)
Get into my car’
The Beatles ” P.S. I Love You” – From the words of a young lady I know, “It would make me feel like someone is smothering me”. This is not the desired effect you want to have on a girl.
‘I’ll be coming home again to you, love,
And ’til the day I do, love,
P.S., I love you.
You, you, you.
You, you, you.
I love you.’
Savage Garden “Truly, Madly, Deeply” – To me, this song is the cheesiest love song I’ve heard. These guys bring a new definition of the word desperate! Why on earth would you want to be and do all these things for a girl? At this rate not only would she lose interest after a while, but you may lose all your identity as you’re trying too hard to be something you’re not. Then where would you be when she’s long gone?
‘I wanna stand with you on a mountain
I wanna bathe with you in the sea
I wanna lay like this forever
Until the sky falls down on me’
Sing these songs at your peril. The may be some of the best love songs and would probably be in the top 100 best love songs of all time, they also made it into the top 10 bad love songs to sing to a girl for good reason.
Remember you have been warned
Permalink - Posted on 2021-09-06 15:28
As with anything in life, you need to learn how to be good with women. I don’t really believe in the term ‘Natural’ when you talk about someone being a true natural. Guys who seem to be naturally good with women have most likely been bought up around guys who are good with women. They have then just picked up these skills by watching these older guys interact with women on a regular basis.
Others are bought up in surroundings where they are not exposed to a great deal of guys who are good with women. Therefore they don’t posses the skills needed in order to be successful with women. Therefore they need to work at becoming better with women. Something that any guy can do.
I am sure anyone who has been learning how to attract women will know that occasionally there are times when you felt like giving up. Of course it’s natural to have these thoughts going around in your head. It can feel a lot easier to give up sometimes than to carry on through the rough times. Especially when you look at others who seems to have this ‘Natural’ way with women and then there is you who is working hard and still having days when it just doesn’t seem to work for you.
However before you decide that you can live without the hassle, firstly remember the guys who seem natural did learn off someone. They may not have done it on a conscious level, but they have learnt these skills. So you having to learn is totally normal. Also remember the following quote:
“Life’s real failure is when you do not realize how close you were to success when you gave up”
This quote really should hit you hard. I know it hit home for me. I was definitely not a so called ‘natural’. I was bought up in the middle of nowhere and went to an all boys school. Therefore I had very little interactions with women when I was younger. When I finally started to learn how to attract girls, I had good days and bad days. There were times when I felt like giving up and just thought that one day I will find someone who like me without all the hassle. However now I realise how much I would have regretted if I had given up. Especially if I had given up and then read this quote.
Because now I am so much more confident as a person. Learning how to meet women has opened up many more doors in my whole life. Yeah I am doing much better with women, but I am also doing well in other aspects of my life. Aspects such as my social life, work life, etc.
Remember you don’t need to become obsessed with learning to meet women and dedicate your whole life to it. If you just do a little bit each day and not allow the bad times to make you give up altogether, then there is a great chance that you will achieve your goals with women and be successful. Plus you will probably improve your life as a whole.
At the end of the day the only way to fail is by giving up. As long as you are doing a little each day to reach your goals then you will always improve. Good luck.
Permalink - Posted on 2021-09-06 15:17
Today I want to look at the main reasons why guys seem to suffer with fear of using the phone. This costs a lot of guys a lot of second dates so pay attention.
The phone should be something we embrace. We use it in everyday life and therefore we need to make sure that we are not afraid to use it when we need to. The main sticking-points guys seem to have with using the phone can be boiled down into a few common issues. The sort of stuff that you can get a grip of and thus will help you overcome your fear of using the phone:
This is probably the biggest fear when it comes to talking to women on the phone. If you don’t know what to say on the phone, then you will never call a girl because you will have little to no confidence in yourself. Though as in real life, you can’t ever control every aspect of an interaction with a girl, the same applies for phone interactions. So, although you could learn a few routines that may help you along, the best way is to start using the phone more often, and develop your confidence on a more fundamental level.
If you make phone use ‘business as usual’ for yourself, you accomplish a few things. Firstly, you won’t be as worried about calling a girl because you will have more confidence, and will trust that everything will go well (Which it most likely will). Secondly, it doesn’t matter what she says, you will be able to cope because you will have the experience to come up with something on the spur of the moment.
There is a chance she may not answer the phone. This however is most likely not a reflection on whether or not she wants to speak to you. She may have her phone on silent so didn’t hear it ring, or she was at work, or maybe she got cold feet. Knowing what to do if she doesn’t answer can make the world of difference.
You have a choice. You can either try and ring back later (or the next day even), or you can leave a message. If you are going to leave a message then make sure you are calm and make sure she knows who is calling. The best way to do this is to get her to put your number in her phone when you exchange numbers. That way when you leave the message you don’t have to say, “Hey this is <Insert your name here> from the other day” which to be honest isn’t really that cool.
Don’t even worry about it. She will do. If she’s given you her number, then you obviously did enough during the initial interaction to make a lasting impression. Women aren’t too keen to answer the phone to people they don’t know, so if she does answer the phone then you should assume that she really does want to talk to you, and it’s on like Donkey Kong.
If you’ve been trying a few times over the last couple of days, maybe it is best if you cut your losses and move on to another girl. If you have tried ringing her on numerous occasions, and also left a message, then it’s probably best to move on.
Maybe you didn’t do enough in your initial interaction, to make her feel comfortable enough for her to answer the phone to you. At the end of the day, this isn’t a huge problem. There are so many women out there that it isn’t worth a lot of effort chasing a lost cause. Instead, focus on going out, getting more numbers, and making more phone calls.
Take this on board, put some of the ideas into action, and your fear of using the phone will reduce and you will be able to charm the pants off a girl just by talking to her on the phone. Better phone interactions mean more second dates, and more action for you.
Permalink - Posted on 2021-09-06 15:03
Do girls play hard to get? The simplest answer is yes girls do play hard to get, just like most men do! But have you ever considered why girls play hard to get?
If you are reading this article, you probably may have met a few girls who have played hard to get around you before. This is a common trick that both men and women use in the dating field. Men find this trick useful as it can make you look more attractive and desirable to women. For women, there are several different reasons.
When girls play hard to get, it’s because they don’t want to come across as being ‘too needy’ or clingy in front of a guy. They like to use this tactic as a safety barrier as they’re initially nervous and too shy to be themselves; they like to find time to get to you know you properly and to discover whether they can trust you. Girls are also paranoid that guys will think they are ‘cheap’ and ‘easy’ if they were more open and honest with you from the start. Some women would rather wait for you to take action as this can tell him whether you’re attracted to them.
There is one downside with girls playing hard to get. Some guys just haven’t got a clue to whether she’s playing hard to get or just not interested in them! By reading this article you will learn the difference between the two and so you will be one step ahead of her. Questions such as “should I approach her”, “should I carry on the interaction” and “should I give up and move onto a different girl”; you will be able to answer on your own confidently.
So now now you know the reasons why women play hard to get, it’s time to learn how to spot whether she is doing so with you. The best way for me to tell you this is if I start from the very beginning….
You’re on a night out and you notice this gorgeous girl over by the bar wearing a mini-skirt and matching halter top; and she’s been constantly looking in your direction. Just by looking at what she is wearing is a good way to tell if she’s playing hard to get. She wants men to notice her and talk to her, so pick up the courage to approach her. She maybe defensive, however, as she doesn’t want men to stare and gawk at her; she would much prefer it if her personality came into play. The only way to get this particular girl is to not give her the impression that she’s a challenge for you.
You eventually decide to exchange numbers, however you are going to have to make the first text/call. What women like is for you to make the opening move. It’s very rare that a woman would want to text or call you first. Most girls have convinced themselves that if they call you first, you would believe they were desperate!
Ideally, she wants you to think that she’s calm and confident. She wants to meet you, but at the same time she doesn’t want to look ‘too’ available for you. Would you still be interested in her if she was available whenever you wanted all the time?
You call her to try and arrange a date with her and plan to take her to the local Indian restaurant, but she says she’s busy Friday night. You then ask about Saturday night, but she’s busy then too. You suggest to her to call you when she is free to meet up with you and in return you don’t get any calls back…
Whether we like it or not, we all have work and other commitments to deal with. If she’s constantly telling you she’s too busy and doesn’t tell you when she could be available, then it’s time to give up and move on. If she did decline your invitations a couple of times because she genuinely had other arrangements, if she is interested she may say something along the lines of, “Well, I’m free all of next week. How about it?”
The pair of you agree on a date. You book a table at the Indian restaurant as originally planned and have a great night together. By the evening, you take a deep breath and go in for a kiss… she then turns sheepish and walks away. What she doesn’t know is that she’s playing hard to get without knowing it. She may have issues with trusting men from previous experiences and relationships.
This results with her playing hard to get in order to protect herself from getting hurt in future. Probably the best way to tackle this is by asking about her previous relationships. If she doesn’t want to tell you, then be reasonable and explain that you’ll be there for her when she’s ready to tell you. This can help her find the strength to get over her problem and start trusting you.
So everything worked out perfectly for you. You managed to get the girl and are now in a relationship with her. It’s been a couple of months now and she’s still playing hard-ball with you whenever you try and arrange plans with her. This is again something she does without realising it.
When in a relationship, the majority of women are less confident that it can actually work compared to men. She will ask herself too many questions to try and figure out if she has made the right decision. In some cases, this can add pressure and tension into the relationship. However if she keeps doing this over and over then maybe it would be best to call it a day.
These are just a few common scenarios that a girl is more likely to do when playing hard to get with you. They are women mind games so to speak. Don’t be under the assumption that because she is playing hard to get that it means you have to say/do things that will lower your values and principles. This would have a negative impact on her if you did lower your values or principles. Now that you are aware of how and why they play it, you have the advantage and are able to turn the tables around. Do Girls Play Hard To Get? Of course they do and when shes playing hard to get it makes it so much more fun. The chase is on
Permalink - Posted on 2021-09-06 14:51
Dating older women is not that different from dating younger women. There are a few things that you need to be aware of when it comes to dating older women. The sort of stuff that will just help things go that little bit smoother.
Let’s look at how to date an older woman, or as I like to call it a bit of toyboy dating, with great success.
Let’s look at these 4 points in more detail.
Older women want to be treated with respect. I don’t mean in the respect of opening doors for them and all that other jaz as this is a little old fashioned. Older women are not old fashioned (well some might be). However they do want to be treated with respect because they have life experience. Show respect to her thoughts and feelings. Remember older women have been there and done it. They have most likely built up a good knowledge about life in general and if you show respect towards that knowledge, then it will go a long way.
Building on from the last point. Older women tend to have plenty to share with you. They have stories to tell. As with anything life don’t allow them to go overboard and tell you every little story 24/7. However listening to an older women is great for your relationship. The added bonus it that you normally can learn a lot from them. Stuff that you only learn from being there and doing it so make sure you take on board what they are saying. Their past experiences can be interesting as well as beneficial to you so make sure you lend sometime to listen to what they have to say.
Just because a woman gets older doesn’t mean that she has forgotten to have fun. In fact she is probably up for having more fun than you would think. So when you are dating mature woman you need to make sure that you are having fun. Take her out fun places and enjoy life to the full. I am sure she would appreciate a trip to the ice rink more than a trip to the local pub once in a while. Something where you can both have a bit of fun and both feel young end energetic. Something a lot of guys might not do when dating an older woman.
Stuff like “You look good for your age” can be a good thing. Women love to know that they still look desirable to younger guys. However once you start going out with an older women then you need to change the way you say things. They don’t want to be reminded that they are older than you. In fact the reason they probably want to date a younger man is to feel younger. Supposedly dating an younger guy can make a woman feel younger by 4 years. So don’t keep reminding them that they are older than you. Even if it is saying something nice such as “You look good for your age”.
So remember, dating older women is not that different to dating younger women. How to date an older woman should not be something that is hard or over complicated. When dating an older woman there are a few subtle things that you need to take into account. If you do then things should run very smoothly indeed.
Permalink - Posted on 2021-09-06 14:24
Many guys tend to struggle when thinking, how to get a girl to trust you?. There are a few reasons why guys always find this particular aspect difficult.
Past experiences can become a barrier when attempting to get a girl’s trust. For example, if the girl has been previously in a long term relationship, there is often a little voice in the back of her head asking herself questions like “what happens if she gets hurt again?”. Some girls have issues with moving on from these experiences and this can automatically cause tension between the two of you.
Some girls may be more comfortable talking and flirting with men when on nights out as there is a chance they have never met you before and have the attitude ‘nothing to lose’. However, if you want to start seeing her after, the phrase ‘fight or flight’ does occur to women and instantly start to form doubts.
The majority of guys haven’t realised that trust isn’t something that can be forced upon a girl or that can be controlled. It takes time and varies with different women you meet. Some couples can build trust almost instantly, others may take months. Sometimes trust never materialises and you need to realise that this particular relationship isn’t going anywhere, rather than staying with her for the sake of not being alone.
What has she done in the past? This is the kind of question you need to keep in mind when you’re seeing a girl. Not a lot of women will be obvious and ‘straight to the point’ when it come to events in their past. You can’t constantly ask her questions about everything there is to know about her as this will make her feel uncomfortable. The best thing I would suggest is to take a step back and give her plenty of space. By doing this, you are giving her room to breathe and giving her the time to feel comfortable around you.
Remember, there is no reason to try and rush the relationship in the vain attempt to form trust. By taking your time and both getting to know each other, you and the girl are both giving yourself chances to build a trusting relationship. As you start to get to know each other better, you start to share secrets with each other and so the trust between you grows. As the trust grows you both can be able to confide in each other and this will make your relationship stronger. This includes such things as sexual preferences, previous relationships etc.
How to get a girl to trust you is something that happens naturally. Don’t force it!
Permalink - Posted on 2021-08-23 14:39
Conversations between men and women are somewhat similar to what happens when you translate something from English to Spanish. A short sentence in English can turn out to be a verbose, long sentence in Spanish. Isn’t that right?
Similarly, men’s conversations are generally straight to the point. Short & concise. Yet, the very same conversation by a woman might include more detail, background information and even an emotional flair, making the communication moment a much longer and involved one. How many times have you found yourself telling your boyfriend or husband something, and your partner cuts you off and says “OK, so what happened…” Upsetting right? Makes you feel like he doesn’t want to listen to what you have to say. Well, that isn’t so. We’re just wired differently.
1. Get to the Point: As mentioned above, if you have something you need to say, be clear, concise and to the point. Preferably, use short sentences (some suggest 11 words or less, but let’s not push it…).
woman: “Honey, guess what happened this morning…On my way to work, I was driving on the left lane when this idiot got in my way and almost hit my car…I got so upset…”
man: “Some guy almost hit me this morning while driving…”
2. Say what you really want to say: Men are not mind readers. If you want your man, your boss or your son do something for you, say it. Say it exactly how you want it. If you want your husband to go do groceries, don’t vascillate and say how empty the refrigerator is. For all he knows, you might just be making small talk. Simply say “I need groceries done, can you do it now?” Notice also how I added the “now” at the end. Provide not only the what, but also the when, and if necessary, the how, to make sure you’ve communicated exactly what you need.
3. Don’t focus on the non-verbal behaviors: One thing I am guilty of doing is accusing my husband of not listening just because he doesn’t make constant eye-contact. I can also be overly sensitive to any non-verbal behavior that might suggest he is not fully engaged in the conversation. But whenever I complain about him not really listening or paying attention, he reminds me that he is listening. Again, this is a result of our gender differences in communication styles. When women talk with one another, they tend to make good eye-contact, and tune into each other’s emotions, while also verbally accentuating the conversation at hand. Don’t expect the same from your man, you might end up feeling quite frustrated.
4. Be confident: Regardless of who you are talking to, men or woman, always come across confident in what you need to say. If you’re in a work meeting, using a confident tone of voice will come across completely different than if you show doubt in your input. So speak loud enough to be heard, clearly and concisely. Most importantly, make eye-contact with those you around you.
5. Don’t be a mind reader: Just because your partner is quietly listening, or doesn’t offer a comment right away, it doesn’t mean this or that. Give him time to process what you’re saying. Don’t be too quick to assume he’s not interested or bored.
6. Don’t expect him to communicate like your girl friends: Don’t always expect the patient, head nodding, understanding facial expression you’ll get from your girlfriend when talking to your guy. Instead, be prepared for him to offer a some sort of logical solution (as if you couldn’t come up with that yourself).
7. Listen: Do you ever ask yourself if YOU are listening? If he says X, trust that he means X, not Y. Remember, men are more likely to say what they mean, and mean what they say.
8. Avoid the drama: If your conversations with your partner tend to escalate into an emotional tirade, or if your communication is packed with heavy emotions, be prepare for your guy to tune out. In worst cases, he might end up avoiding talking to you, or leaving the scene of the heavy conversation.
9. Timing matters: Ladies, talking about heavy topics while you are both getting ready to go to sleep, or while your hubby is watching his favorite sports game, will inevitably fall on deaf ears. For heavy conversations or important matters, talking while taking a walk together is a wonderful idea. You can also have an intimate conversation while dinning together, or having a picnic at the park.
10. Use humor: There are times when the use of humor can communicate something that might otherwise come out strongly. If being funny is your style, go ahead and experiment with humor. You’ll be surprised how a joke can lighten up an otherwise difficult conversation.
Final Note: We certainly don’t need to change the way we communicate in order to accommodate men’s style of communication. However, being mindful of the vast difference between the two sexes will certainly go a long way to helping you feel listened to, understood and validated.
Permalink - Posted on 2021-08-23 14:31