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Free dating tips and advice
Permalink - Posted on 2019-10-18 14:17
When internet dating first began growing in popularity, there was a stigma attached to it. In 2019, this stigma is all but gone and it is quite common for people from all walks of life to meet other singles online. Dating sites welcome people of all ages, but their are site that specifically cater to members that are 50+ years of age. People in this age range can have success on any type of dating site, but may specifically seek members that have gone through a divorce, have children, or have been widowed.
– It can help speed up the bonding process if you and a match have gone through the same event like the loss of a spouse or difficult divorce.
Absolutely NOT! The fastest growing demographic for online dating site are between the ages of 50-65. Many of these daters are recently divorced with adult or almost adult children. The most beneficial aspect of online senior dating is that it helps connect people that have similar traits, characteristics, or life experiences. Dating sites either match you with people that fit your criteria or you can search for people who are a good match.
Dating statistics have shown that single people often choose their matches poorly, so don’t be afraid to go with the matches that are set up for you. Sites like Doulikesenior.com use extensive questionaires in order to discover core traits of each member. These traits are processd with a unique computer algorithm and used to match with other members that are a good fit.
Sometimes children can be resistant to the idea of their mother or father dating. They can often feel like they need to protect yiou as their parent. They may not be familiar with online dating or how it works. It might help to walk them through the process and show them exactly what you are doing. Sites like Doulikesenior.com screen their members and are especially vigilant when it comes to criminal records and scammers. If you include them in what you are doing, they may be less resistant to the idea.
Internet dating scams are relatively common, expecially on free dating sites, where there is little oversight. High quality “paid membership” sites take a different policy towards people trying to scam or cause trouble in their community.
In spite of this effort, these scams do happen, and you need to know what to watch for. An example of a scam would go something like this: usually a younger, very attractive member of the site will stike up communication and once trust is gained, ask for money.
High quality membership sites aren’t immune to this type of behavior, but they are less likely to contain these “fake members”. One way that you can protect yourself from this type of scam is using a background check. These are usually inexpensive and can confirm whether you are communicating with a real person or a scammer from Nigeria. Dating sites for senior singles also has an identity confirmation service that is optional to members. If you feel that you are conversing with someone who could potentially be a scammer, ask them to confrim their identity in some way. You can say that you’ve had abad experience in the past and just want to be sure. If they are resistant to the idea, you may want to move on.
Relationships that result from using online dating sites tend to get serious much more quickly, than relationships that develop offline. On average a courtship lasted a year and a half before it led to marriage, while offline it averaged four or more years. For best results, daters should:
1) Communicate with many members on the site – It is much more beneficial to look around and see what options are available to you, before you commit to a relationship.
2) Try dating the matches that are generated for you – It is statistically shown that many times we aren’t good at choosing our own matches. Sites like eHarmony and Match have very extensive questionnaires that try to get at the root of each members personality. A proprietary algorithm then matches people with similar personalities and interests.
3) Meet for short 15 minute dates – When you are interested in meeting up with a person that you have been in contact with the site, DON’T GO ON A LONG DATE! Online and offline communication are completely different animals. Short 15 minute coffee “meet-ups” are perfect for discovering whether or not you are compatible.
The post Mature Dating – Sites that Specialize in Singles Aged 40 – 65 appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.
Permalink - Posted on 2019-10-18 13:40
I know “that” woman you are talking about. Ok, maybe not personally, but I know that you think she is the one woman or the one kind of woman that would really make all your dreams come true. Maybe she is uber hot. Maybe she is seriously sexy. Maybe you think you would have a killer connection with her. Fill in the blanks however you please.
Whether it’s a celebrity fantasy like Kim Kardashian, Angeline Jolie, Megan Fox or Jessica Alba; or it’s the girl next door; the girl at work; the best friend who you want to get to know in the “other way” – the same question keeps coming up.
“How do I get a girl like “that” to date a guy like me?”
Which is usually followed by a whole bunch of reasons your “mind” makes up which disqualifies you from dating a woman like this. In fact, the mind is a very powerful thing. And, even if a woman like “that” was interested in you – with that current mindset either you wouldn’t see it, or you would sabotage the process so a girl like “that” would eventually lose interest in you.
Now, I’m not going to go on another rant about how important mindset and self esteem is when attracting and dating good quality women (or maybe I am). I would suggest that if you can’t relate to any of what I’m saying – it’s probably because you have grown beyond this point. Congratulations. For everyone else .. keep reading.
So, let me give you an example. Suppose you are a guy who has only ever known, driven, and had cars worth 50K – Who has a dream to own a Ferrari at 500K. Not only do you have a constant fantasy about what it would be like to own a Ferrari (about how great the leather would smell, how fast it could accelerate, and how well it would handle around corners) – you ALSO believe at the deepest part of your BEING that you are only worth a 50K Car.
After all, it’s all you have ever known.
So here in lies the dilemma. Because at the root of your being you believe you are only worth a 50K car – you are setting yourself up for some painful realities which can NEVER match your fantasy.
See, if you believe that you are only worth a 50K car and what you really want is a 500K car (but don’t truly feel worthy of it) – then either you will NEVER get the Ferrari OR you will find a way to get rid of the Ferrari fast when you DO get it. Meaning when you do get to buy it, you won’t be able to retain it in your life for very long. Maybe you crash it, get it impounded, or some other creative way to get it out of your life.
Maybe this has happened, with other things besides cars (get my drift?)
It’s a sucky situation, and I’m sure you are wondering, “So, what’s the solution?”
Well, it’s not all doom and gloom. There is a way which you can have the Ferrari and not only keep it in your life but appreciate and enjoy it for what it’s worth.
What do you have to do? Here it is …
You have to raise your self worth to match what you really want.
Simple right? Let me explain.
If you want a 500K car then you got to believe you are worth a 500K car. Now, that doesn’t mean just repeating, “I’m worth a 500K car” over and over again until you drive yourself insane. No, no, no.
The quickest way to match your reality with your fantasy to increase your self worth bit by bit. Hey, you’ve got to start somewhere right? The trick is to grow your self worth but not beyond a point that ignites the “safety mechanism”. What happens when the safety mechanism engages? Sabotage is what happens. Which basically means that you find new and creative ways to get that “thing” that you wanted so badly – out of your life (this is an unconscious intention, consciously you may be thinking what the “F**K is going on!)
So, how can you start to grow your self worth? Well, going back to my Ferrari example, you would have to start small, by maybe buying a 55K car. And, then a 70K car. And, then a 100K Car. And, so on. And, you would keep each car until you would know that you were able to “comfortably” retain it in your life WITHOUT self sabotage. And, when you were able to do that at each stage you would begin to realize hey I am worthy of a 55K, 70K, 100K car. And, soon you will be well on your way to feeling worthy of a 500K car.
Alright, so I’m hoping that some of you may have been catching on and realize that this doesn’t ONLY apply to cars. It’s applies to the quality of the women that you date.
I know a lot of you who want that dream woman. That one woman you turns your world upside down and who you DO anything for, to be with. She is the 500K Ferrari. Yet some of you only believe you are worth a 50K car/girl. So if you want the dream girl – you have to believe that you are an equal to this woman. You have to believe that you are worth a woman like this. And, truly believe it with your BEING and not just your thoughts.
So, how would you do this? It first starts with approaching and talking to women that you are comfortable talking to. The type of woman this is, will be different for everyone depending on where each individual is at. If you are an incredibly shy guy who doesn’t like talking to people let alone women, then the first step for you would be to make and hold eye contact for about 3 seconds while out and about with any man, woman, or child. And, then go from there.
If you were a man who was comfortable with talking to people just not attractive women then the next best step would be to talk to women who you were NOT attracted to or that you did not find attractive. So, this would be women who you don’t find physically attractive; older women; younger women; women who are obliged to at least be open to communication like sales assistants, check out chicks, waitresses, and so on. And, once you were more comfortable with this focus on moving up to women that you find slightly more attractive and continuing to work up the ladder.
See, the truth is that some of you are at POINT A and want to get to POINT F by tomorrow. It’s not going to happen. There is a process that you must all go through. Patience is the key. As Tony Robbins once said, “People overestimate what they can do in a year and underestimate what they can do in 10 years.” Now, I’m not saying that you have to wait 10 years to get your dream woman. You can go at whatever pace you would like. But, it will be more effective if you set some realistic expectations on yourself.
And, there is nothing to say that the process of getting THERE will be any less exciting than actually getting the goal.
I know from personal experience that working towards goals is always more rewarding than actually accomplishing them. Happiness comes from striving for what you want while being happy with what you have got. Going through this process will also teach you to become more present and more fully engaged in your life. And, to realize that “the moment” you are experiencing right now, is good enough just as it is.
When you can set realistic expectations on yourself; have a strategy to move towards every day; and focus on enjoying the process /moment that is presented in front you – it will help you find the fulfillment and happiness “NOW” that you think a great woman will provide you “in the future”.
I’ve had my say, now it’s your turn. What are your thoughts and experiences with this concept?
Permalink - Posted on 2019-10-18 06:58
First dates can be boring and awkward. Two people who hardly know each other sit across the table from one another and play twenty questions. Sometimes a date can feel more like an interview for the CEO of a Fortune 500 company by an executive recruiting firm than a prelude to romance. If you’re bored with the traditional dinner date, it’s time to take dating out of the restaurant and into the outdoors. Doing something ‘out of the box’ on a date can take the focus off running through the compatibility checklist and put the focus back on having fun. Not to mention, if the conversation is dry or hits a silent patch, you’ve got other things to do. Here are a few ways to get the fires going in an unconventional way:
In Marina Del Rey or Malibu, you can rent a couple of paddle boards and get out on the ocean. It’s affordable, fun and the negative ions will wipe out any first-date negative energy. In Marina Del Rey at Mother’s Beach, you can visit Poseiden Stand Up. Rates start at $40 for 2 hours and classes are available at $120 for an hour and a half. Or, drive 15 minutes up the coast to Malibu Surf Shack where boards are $45 for 2 hours; wetsuits an extra $10. For the really adventuresome, take surfing lessons together. Either way, you’ll have a whale of a good time, forget all about being on a date and really learn what the other person is made of when they fall off their board and into the brisk Pacific Ocean. Do they laugh or complain? Do they get up and try again or do they quit? You’d be surprised what you can learn about someone when they’re out of their comfort zone. After paddling around the bay, have a drink and appetizers on the patio of The Malibu Beach Inn and enjoy the sunset. If your date goes really well, you can always get a room!
You don’t have to be John Wayne to ride a horse in Hollywood. In fact, you don’t even have to know how to ride a horse. Griffith Park Horse Rentals has something for every level of rider. So dust off the old cowboy boots you bought for that audition or Halloween costume and saddle up for only $25/hour. There’s even a sunset ride to a Mexican restaurant for $65 plus the cost of dinner. Griffith Park is one of the largest urban parks in North America with over 4108 acres of natural terrain and exceptional views of Downtown Los Angeles. If your date is a more advanced rider, then check out Hooper Trail Horses a two hour guided adventure starts at $65.00. And hey, if the date turns out to be a dud, at least you got your work out in!
Okay, you must have seen the promotional photos of Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake sitting on the ‘H’ of the Hollywood sign in the promotional trailers for Friends With Benefits. Well, you can’t do that; it’s illegal. But you can hike to the Hollywood sign and get close enough to see just how big it is. Each letter is 50-feet high and 30-feet wide and the entire sign spans 450-fee across the 1675 summit of Mount Lee, overlooking the entire LA basin. This strenuous 5-mile hike is part of Griffith Park and a really novel idea, particularly if your date is a newcomer to the city. Make sure you wear comfortable walking shoes and bring plenty of water and sunscreen, and if you can manage a backpack, bring a blanket and picnic lunch.
Food trucks originated in Los Angeles and are a growing trend in cities around the US. Operated by local restaurants, they roam various neighborhoods and tweet their locations. During the summer, Concerto Park in Playa Del Rey often has food truck events on Sundays with music and games for children, and the northwest corner of La Brea and Beverly is known year round as The Truck Stop. At lunchtime a gathering of trucks can be found outside the E! Entertainment offices on the Wilshire Corridor in the Miracle Mile area. From gourmet fried-chicken from LudoTruck to Korean barbeque from the KogiBBQ truck to Sprinklemobile cupcakes, there’s a truck for every palate. For a fun, interactive evening, hire a limo or Towncar, get a bottle of wine, track your favorite food trucks on Twitter and have the driver take you around town, so you don’t have to worry about drinking and driving. You and your date can plan your next course from the back of the Towncar. A few great websites for finding food trucks are: foodtrucksmap and findlafoodtrucks.
This is another great date for an LA newbie. Nothing says welcome to Los Angeles better than taking your date to a shooting range. It’ll either impress or intimidate your date, but it’s surprisingly fun. At the LA Gun Club, you can rent a variety of guns for $5-10, buy ammunition, and get free basic firearm instructions and safety training. It’s not easy to talk while shooting (it’s very loud and you have to wear ear plugs), but afterwards you’ll have plenty to talk about, especially if your date has better aim. Might want to think twice about getting into arguments with this person!
Whether a neophyte wine enthusiast or someone with a distinguished palate, wine tasting events are a perfect first date venue. Learn About Wine offers all sorts of fun wine tastings. They even have the occasional tequila or beer event. You can also check out the classes at CitySip wine bar and wine shop. If the first date goes well, then you could consider a road trip to Santa Barbara wine country or Temecula on a second date, with perhaps an overnight to avoid any drinking and driving (wink, wink).
A long time classic Los Angeles experience is an evening at the Hollywood Bowl. Whether it’s during their regular concert series or for a special concert, there is nothing more romantic than sitting under the stars, having a picnic and listening to music. With a quick visit to Sur La Table and the Farmer’s Market at The Grove, you can pick up a picnic basket, load it full of goodies and be on your way, or you can pre-order your dinner online from Patina Restaurant and have it served in your private box seats. Either way, an evening at the Bowl is a magical experience.
Taking a date out of a restaurant is always a great idea. Having a new experience with someone allows for easy conversation. Plus, doing something new makes you a more interesting person. Worst case scenario: if your date is a dud, you’ll have more to talk about with your next date.
Permalink - Posted on 2019-10-18 06:44
Bitch, bitch, bitch. How often do you hear your girlfriends complaining about their lives? Face it, ladies. We like to complain. In fact, we speak in complaints. It is how we communicate. While it may work just fine when we’re around other women, it does not work with men. If you want to form a closer bond with the man in your life, you need to dial down the complaints, and learn to speak in a language he understands. Here are just a few pointers on how to communicate more effectively with your significant other:
The words “why” and “you” in any combination will set your man on the defensive. Eliminate phrases such as “Why won’t you…”, “Why can’t you…”, and “Why don’t you…” from your dialogue. Men are competitive creatures, and when challenged they will often fight. You can still win your point, by using a different strategy. Turn complaints into compliments, by phrasing your complaints as compliments, by saying “I love it when you….” or “I really appreciate it when you…”. You get more bees with honey.
Give him the CliffsNotes version of your story and get your point across quickly—before he tunes out. If he needs more details, he will ask for them. If you drone on about things, he will not recall every point and you may get angry later when you realize he wasn’t listening. Eliminate that possibility by being succinct in the first place. And, remember, men like to fix things. If you present him with a problem, he will want to solve it so he doesn’t have to keep hearing about it. If you don’t want his help, then don’t complain about it in the first part.
Men are competitive creatures. They are hardwired with an internal scoreboard that records wins and losses—nothing else matters. That is why he needs challenges in sports and business. He needs to win. If you criticize your man, when you indicate that he has disappointed you, it is an automatic loss on his scoreboard. Men don’t like to feel defeated, so set him up to win and reward his for his efforts.
Men tend to operate off the logical side of the brain and research suggests emotions are overwhelming for them. When faced with an emotionally charged woman a man will frequently respond with anger. Men are attracted to women who exercise emotional self-control, because it supports their own personal need to feel in control.
There is nothing more unattractive to a man than an angry woman with a sharp tongue. An irritated tone or harsh criticism will shut down communication. The majority of men react more to tone than words. Make a conscious effort to reclaim that sweet, soft feminine voice you were born with. Talk slower and softer and he will react more favorably. Rather than criticize and attack, positively impact your relationship with your dulcet speech. Do not underestimate the power of sultry, flirtatious suggestions. You will train him to respond eagerly to your voice.
If you truly are committed to developing a better relationship, find ways to incorporate these suggestions. You will experience female empowerment without having to be assertive like a male, and you’ll notice a positive shift in your relationship.
Permalink - Posted on 2019-10-17 15:07
When a woman meets a man, she wants to determine whether or not he’s relationship material. There are three questions she always asks: What do you do for a living? What kind of car do you drive? And, where do you live? Don’t be offended guys. Sure, these questions all point towards financial status, but there are plenty of other reasons she’s asking these questions.
Men like talking about themselves. It makes them feel relaxed and confident. These questions allow the man to talk and take the pressure off the woman doing all the talking, which can make her look like a “chatterbox.” She may not be sport savvy enough to talk about the Final Four or the NHL Playoffs, and she may want to avoid a heated political debate about the Middle East or the mid-term elections. And, she knows you don’t want to talk about shopping! Asking about your work, car, and home are ice-breaker subjects that are easy for you to talk about and also interesting to her.
Permalink - Posted on 2019-10-15 10:24
Society is confusing us.
It is pretending that attraction is true love.
It is not!
In addition to this nonsensical myth, we are being taught the lie that marriage should always be filled with the excitement, energy, and elation of the first stage of attraction.
Again, this is a lie. It is not only not true it is a damaging hurtful lie.
Lets look at the truth for a minute.
Infatuation is the first stage of a romantic relationship evolution invented to bring people together to reproduce. This stage is quite amazing as we all know. People in this stage are nothing less than obsessed with the object of their desire. There are so many chemicals swirling around in our brains and bodies that it is no wonder many feel like they are on a high. They have more energy, more passion, more creativity. They can think of nothing more than their heart throb.
Yes, most people like this attraction phase. However it was never meant to last more than a year or two. Why? Because it is not in the best interest of individuals or life in general.
What does happen however is something even more amazing. If a relationship is strong enough, couples may move from that initial attraction into bonding and true love.
While not as intense as the attraction phase it is filled with new emotions. More subtle but also more powerful.
This phase is filled with contentment, peace, and joy. It is deeply satisfying and pleasurable, not in quite such an intense and thrilling way but certainly in a powerful and beautiful way.
Now, let us go back to the initial confusing lie we are told… that attraction is love.
Infatuation is what brings people together but it really has nothing to do with love. Of course we are often deeply attracted to those we love but it is not an infatuation that is love.
Love is the deep care, concern, joy, investment, commitment, appreciation,and sharing of one’s life. As we share ourselves with our beloved, as we open our hearts and souls to a receptive holder of dreams, we grow in love.
As a couple unites their desires, combines their efforts, dedicates their lives to each other and their families or common goals, love grows.
Many couples who have been married for most of their lives will tell us that the love has continually deepened as they have matured. They will tell us that the love and infatuation they feel in their sixties and seventies is more than anything they dreamed possible in their twenties and thirties.
In other words, love is not that feeling of just wanting to be with someone, love is the strength, union, and emotion that results from uniting, sharing, communing, and embracing our partner.
It is something that grows, develops, and deepens given the investment and care.
Think of it this way, the attraction phase is like planting a seed, and love is that which grows from the seed.
When I hear men and women say that they love their partner but are no longer attracted to them, I often hear, “I don’t feel that initial attraction I once felt for my partner, and I want to.”
What may be happening is that as the attraction phase ended the relationship did not deepen and grow as it could have. It stopped developing, blossoming, and evolving and therefore is no longer providing the contentment, joy, pleasure that can be profound as a relationship continues.
The answer is not to end the relationship and find another partner who will provide us with that Infatuation high, because as we all know, that will end as it always does.
The answer is, to invest in the relationship, nurture the friendship, commit to one’s life partner, and do everything one can to bring forth the beauty and joy that is only found in truly intimate relationship.
As we release that need for the initial attraction phase and realize that we can have a profoundly deep, meaningful, and loving relationship as we share our lives with our partner perhaps we can embrace the goodness in our spouse, focus on the sharing of lives, and become attracted to the one we love.
The post Infatuation Versus True Love…. The Signs, Lies And Myths appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.
Permalink - Posted on 2019-10-15 09:58
If you married and having an affair this post is for you.
Let me play prophetess for a minute and predict the future.
You will convince yourself that you have found the perfect person who happens not to be your spouse. You will come to believe that he or she fills the emptiness inside you. You will tell yourself that you have found your soul mate and that somehow you will be together. You know it is not right but you just can’t help yourself.
You will continue on until you are caught.
Then comes the heartbreak, the sorrow, the pain. You will realize how you have been dishonest and how you cheated on the one to whom you promised faithfulness. You will know the damage you caused to your life partner, your children, your family.
The relationship will end with heartbreak, for you and for all those whom you have hurt.
This scenario happens day after day after day. One doesn’t need to be a therapist to know this is an extraordinarily common story in spite of the fact that those who are having an affair try to convince themselves otherwise.
The clear pattern is, the affair keeps going until someone gets caught.
However, you can change the outcome. Right today, you can made decisions that will save you and your loved ones from the pain and sorrow that is sure to come if you continue on with your deceit and cheating.
Here are your two choices to have a better ending:
You do this today. TODAY. Decide you want to live with integrity and honesty, and be faithful to your spouse and children. Know that your excitement about your “friend” is all about attraction, and like everyone in the attraction phase of a relationship your brain is being flooded with those powerful endorphins and chemicals that create excitement and passion. THIS IS NOT LOVE. This is excitement. You have not found your “soul mate” you have found another person to get those chemicals flowing. Rather than invest your time and energy into your marriage and family, you allow yourself to succumb to the flood of excitement that always comes with that first phase of attraction.
You end the affair, pick up the pieces and reinvest in your marriage and family. You recommit to making your marriage healthy and happy. You again live with integrity and goodness.
Now, I am a believer that virtually all marriages can be saved if both parties are willing to do the work. However, if you have done everything you can to have a healthy and fulfilling marriage and simply know you cannot continue, then you get a divorce BEFORE your continue with your new relationship.
You act with decency and respect. You let go of your selfishness, stop lying and cheating and take the proper steps to end one relationship before you begin another.
Now, I know those of you who read this and are currently having an affair are going to give yourself all sorts of excuses to keep the affair going. You can’t help yourself, you know you need to be together, etc. etc.
But deep down you know what it means to live an honorable life. You know what you are doing violates your conscience and your ideas of decency. You know you are lying, deceiving, and cheating. You can pretend otherwise for a time but to do so only delays the inevitable, which is pain, heartbreak, and the destruction of your family.
Before you bring humiliation and heartbreak to your family and spouse, and yourself, stop the affair. Stop it today. Decide it is over and you will never again allow yourself to be caught in this web of deceit and unfaithfulness.
Permalink - Posted on 2019-10-14 13:54
“Most of us are pretty good at keeping promises to others and pretty bad a keeping promises to ourselves”
– Lawrence LeShan
It is very true, most of us impart a lot of personal integrity when keeping promises to others, however when we make promises to ourselves we often fall short. So why is it that while we are very concerned with keeping promises to others, when it comes to keeping all of the promises that we make to ourselves we often let those promises slip?
We promise ourselves things like, we are going to lose weight, we are going to quit smoking, we are going to be smarter with how we handle our money, we are going to spend more time with our family, we are going to exercise more, etc. Most of the promises that we make to ourselves are significant, they involve improving our lives, improving our health, education, finances. These promises are important promises, yet we renege on these promises over and over again. WHY?
One of the biggest reasons, is because we are the only ones that we have to deal with. It is very different from keeping promises to others, because we have to deal with those people when fail to keep our promise and deal with the impact that failing to keep a promise will have on us.
This is one of the things we do not recognize in ourselves. We fail to acknowledge and recognize the impact that failing to keep a promise to ourselves has. Truth is when we keep breaking the promises that we make to ourselves there is an impact. We begin not to trust ourselves, we even start to say things like, “I will start exercising more tomorrow”, followed by a “Yeah, right, like that’s going to happen”. We get to the point where we recognize that we do not keep promises to ourselves. We ultimately do not trust ourselves, how sad is that?
If it was anyone other than yourself, how long would you put up with this type of behavior, how long would you put up with a string of broken promises? The answer is easy, not very long!
Another big reason we fail to keep promise we make to ourselves is that the promises are too vauge. We may promise ourselves to lose some weight. Good promise to make, however it lacks specifics, which means that we can fool ourselves for a long time. The promises we make to ourselves should be very specific, an example would be, “I promise that I will begin exercising starting tomorrow, I will walk for a half hour ever other day and I will ride my bike for a hour every other night. I will continue to do this until the weather changes at which time I will change my exercise routines. The goal of this exercise is to reduce my blood pressure and to lose 20 pounds by September 30th”. See the difference, see how your mind will recognize the difference? When you make your promise specific and measurable, it is more tangible, it is harder to deceive yourself and break the promise that you make to yourself.
I want you to take a sheet of paper out and write out 5 promises which you know you have made to yourself that you have broken. Have the list? Now think about how many times you have broken each of these promises. Scary isn’t it? Now take each promise and ask yourself, is this still a valid promises? In other words, do I still need to follow through with this promise? Eliminate those promises that are no longer valid from your list.
Now you have a list of valid promises that you must keep to yourself. Now, look at each promise and ask yourself, is the promise specific and measurable? If a promise is not specific and measurable, then rewrite the promise to make it something that is tangible, something that is specific and measurable.
What you now have is a great tool which will help you to keep your promises to yourself. I also suggest that you write each promise on a colored index card and place it someplace where you can see it often. This will serve a reminder to keep the commitment which you have made to yourself.
Remember, you are as important and valuable as the other people you make promises to, you deserve the same integrity and commitment that your give to others!
Permalink - Posted on 2019-10-14 13:36
If you developed a romantic relationship without being able to see what a person looked like and they were not physically present and the entire relationship was initially built on intellectual, emotional and spiritual attraction prior to physically meeting each other, do you think that this relationship would have a stronger foundation than most traditional relationships where physical attraction was an initial factor?
How important is physical attraction? Must physical attraction first exist or can physical attraction develop as the intellectual, emotional and spiritual attraction develops?
It is my observation that romantic relationships which are built primarily on physical attraction for the most part are built on a shaky foundation. Two people can be extremely physically attracted to each other yet have very little other connection. When this exists, then the relationship is often doomed to descend into a hellish abyss with fleeting moments of physical bliss.
This is not to say that initial physical attraction can’t lead to a rewarding, long term romantic relationship. What I am pondering is that given the choice, I know that I would much rather have the opportunity to fall in love with the non-physical side of a person first, for I know that with that as the foundation of a relationship the attraction would be so strong that the physical attraction to each other would be a natural progression of the relationship. With this type of holistic attraction each person would only have eyes for each other. This attraction would be there because I would love the soul of this person, love who they are, who they have been and who they are yet to become. When we are connected on a higher level, then the love grows even as our respective bodies change with age, or change because of some external circumstance.
This perspective changes the way we may approach a new romantic relationship. There is much to be said for saving the physical side of the relationship for a point in the relationship where a true connection has been made on the intellectual, emotional and spiritual level first. Once these connections are made, then the physical side of the relationship will be that much more fulfilling.
For most of us, sex without the emotional, intellectual and spiritual connection is just sex, a moment of physical release and bliss, however a very short moment which leaves you wanting for so much more. The want that you desire, is to be able to look into the other persons eyes, to cuddle up next to each other, to hold onto each other with a knowing that you are fully connected on all levels. This is true fulfillment. When you have this, sex is simply a part of the whole, it is not viewed as a separate entity.
As our perspective of physical attraction and sexual satisfaction in a relationship shifts, the door to more holistically fulfilling relationships opens up. The ego which craves immediate satisfaction takes a back seat, the spiritual side of us drives our relationship and much to the ego’s surprise we achieve what we desire and so much more!
Permalink - Posted on 2019-10-11 09:51
“If she says “hi” back, you are off to a good start.”
~Alec Greven (Author of “How to talk to girls”)
So, there is this girl that you fancy. Maybe you like her, maybe you feel like you know her the catch is you have never spoken to her in your life! And, here is the kicker. You want to speak to her, but you have no freaking IDEA what to say to her. You don’t know what to talk about, you don’t know how to get her attracted to you, and you don’t know how to ask her out on a date. No matter where you are in your dating/relating life the art of talking to girls is going to be a life long and valuable skill.
Now, obviously there are certain social skills that everyone could improve on. But first and foremost: state management is the key to having better conversations with women. When you feel better about yourself, when you feel good about who you are, when you are not trying to impress, when you are fully present – then you can truly have an incredibly interaction with a woman and create desire and attraction within her. All of this starts with being able to access a powerful state which is readily available within you once you know how to access it.
Let me ask you a few questions. Have you been able to really engage in a conversation with people (they don’t have to be women), had a good time, and god forbid were actually funny?
Have you ever been in a situation where you felt really comfortable and relaxed in – even though there may have been people around you who felt the complete opposite.
What exactly am I getting at? I’m saying that within each and every one of you is a place where you feel relaxed, cool, and confident. Whether that is playing your favorite video game, kicking ass at a sport you’ve been playing since you were a kid, acing an exam, driving on the race track – all of you have a place within you that makes you feel in many ways on the top of the world, invincible.
It’s not so much that you have to cultivate this state within you. It’s more that you have to remove the barriers in your mind that prevent you from accessing this state wherever and whenever you want.
And, you want to know the great thing? You can train your body and mind to do the things that you want it to do. And, you can do it on a conscious level instead of being subject to flight or fight instincts.
Why do I put so much emphasis on this? Because managing your state and being able to be relaxed, cool, confident, and in some ways invincible around women – will be an instant trigger for her attraction towards you. A woman takes into account a lot of different things when interacting with a man. But a huge component of what she feels is: your presence. This is the energy you emanate, that makes her FEEL something she doesn’t necessarily feel with a lot of other men.
This is why in my previous posts I put a lot of emphasis on who you are “being” rather than what you are “saying” when interacting with a woman.
So, remember this – when you can manage your state (at your command) your chances of succeeding with women will dramatically be increased.
That means that you can control your tone of voice (high or low, fast or slow, controlled or manic); your movements (fast or slow, decisive or indecisive); and therefore your energy level (high or low, calming or exciting). Therefore, in any situation you can choose to react or respond.
Reaction is automatic. Responding is a choice. And, we all like to have more choice and direction over our lives.
So, here is an guide to help you manage your state and some tips which will make your interactions and conversations with women go a lot smoother.
The conversation in your head that is happening about yourself AND how she will respond to you is one of the most important conversations we need to address.
Some people might call this self-talk. Others might call it your self-image. They can both be important. They include the beliefs you have about yourself. It also includes what you say to yourself to maintain those beliefs. Such as, if you think you are boring, and you think about all the times you thought when you were boring – then the idea that you are boring is the belief AND the thinking about all the times you are boring is what maintains that belief.
So, before you even think about starting a conversation with that woman, I would encourage you to think about changing the conversation you are having about yourself.
Here are some ways in which you can do that:
First, sit down and write about who you want to be. And, don’t do this is a half ass way. This is important. It’s not often that people actually sit down and think about creating the person they want to be and the life they want to live. Get honest with yourself and do this.
Next, write down times in your life – actual memories when you were acting, thinking, or feelings in ways that are congruent with how you want to be. So, if you want to be great at talking with women, write down times when you had a conversation with a woman that went well. Need help? ANY conversation with a woman that you enjoyed. The girl at the cash register. A friend at school. Your sister! Keep going until you find at least a few examples!
Then, imagine yourself being the person you want to be. How would it feel? Focus on in that feeling and practice it 5 times a day. Get good at feeling it. Women are very sensitive to other people’s feelings. If you are around a woman and you feel very strong and confident, she will likely sense that.
A great way to boost your conversation skills is to get some practice in. When people are in rapport naturally, they begin to echo each others’ body language. This is the art of non verbal conversation. It’s a conversation of body language. For example, they might stand the same way. They might scratch their faces at the same time. And, so forth.
One thing you can do to utilize this is to match her facial expressions. If she raises her eyebrows, raise yours slightly. If she squints, squint a little yourself. Her arm movements. For example, if she reaches up to scratch her shoulder, you could reach up and scratch your shoulder. Another great thing do is the mirror the rate at which she is breathing. You could also position yourself in the way that she is standing.
Now remember, all this is done before you even speak with her. So, for example, if she is a cashier and you ware waiting in line. Pay attention to how she moves and stands and gestures. Do some of those movements. Stand similar to how she is. Gesture in about the same way she does. AND do all of this as you are waiting your turn in line BEFORE you speak to her. Then, when you are there getting your items rung up by her, start talking.
Why all the nonverbal action before you talk to her? In theory, you are building rapport with her before you even speak! Therefore, the conversation should feel more comfortable to both of you. And, yes – I know guys who have used this and they report FABULOUS results at getting easy conversation with women.
First, if you can notice something about her, you can ASK her about it or compliment her on it. For example, if you notice she has a tattoo of a dolphin on her arm, you could ask what inspired her to get a dolphin tattoo. You could ask her if it is to remind her of an experience. You could ask her if she can swim as well as a dolphin. You could ask her if she designed the tattoo and then compliment her on design if you sincerely like it. You could tell her that you like her choice of a dolphin because they are intelligent animals.
I will warn you about using compliments in excess. They need to be sincere, and work best when it’s one something that the woman wouldn’t usually be complemented on. Unoriginal compliments that are used in excess come across as approval seeking and needy, which don’t leave a good impression with the woman you are communicating with.
Other things you could do include making a comment about someone in the store or the environment. “I saw some guy buy one of those 10 meter high artificial trees. I don’t know how he is going to fit it on to his bicycle! And besides, how many recycled toothbrushes gave their lives to make that tree anyways?”
I believe one of the easiest ways to connect with someone to ask refer to something in your current environment that is interesting, funny, odd, or humorous. Sometimes when I want to have some fun I say and do things that go against the norm of how people usually respond. For example:
Cashier: How are you today?
Me: I’m doing great. You on the other hand look like you are bored out of your mind! *smile*
Are you at least allowed to Facebook on your I-phone when it gets quiet?
Usually this will get a laugh, break their state, and you can continue the conversation from there. Keep in mind I’m not always going to say this same line. I make it up on the spot. And, here is the thing: when you are in a relaxed, calm, and confident state it’s infinitely easier to converse and communicate in ways which are humorous, smart, intelligent, and witty.
So with that said, remember the most important thing is being able to manage your state. It’s important to reflect, relive, and constantly retrieve memories which make you feel confident and on top of the world. Combined with conditioning yourself to be able to trigger this state at times when you need them will be a very valuable skill. All of you have the ability to have incredible conversations with women and all of you have the ability to truly connect with another human being. And, don’t let anyone convince you otherwise.
The post How To Talk To Girls From A Girl – A Step By Step Guide appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.