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Loveawake.com blog

Free dating tips and advice

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How to Avoid Being Fooled When Dating Online

Permalink - Posted on 2020-08-07 15:16

Dating online can be fun and exciting, not only for you but for online scammers as well. For the past decade, we have witnessed an influx of romance scams. Online dating sites are the playground for identity thieves, hackers, and several other nasty peoples. According to the FBI, there are some typical signs to identify such scams and protect yourself from getting duped.

FBI claims there has been a substantial increase in older victims becoming the target of online scammers. They often get duped of identity thefts, money laundering, and in worst cases, they are turned into unwitting  “money mules.”

Most online daters worry a lot about their first date with potential matches. However, your main worries should be more about the scammer who refuses to meet you, even after repeated attempts.

These online fraudsters are exceptionally talented when it comes to conning you for love and money. Thankfully, all of them follow a typical pattern. With just a cautious mind, you can identify these red flags and save yourself from getting duped.

Online Security Tips to keep scammers at bay:

Stalk them on social media:

Yes, you read it right. We are urging you to stalk the person you meet online and seems like a good match. Most scammers either don’t have a social media presence, or they have a pretty basic profile. Social media can help you find some obvious red flags.

Some tips for identifying such profiles are:

  1. They either have no or more than one social media profile.
  2. They have a very low friend count.
  3. Most of their photos online are model-like shots, and no activity related photos.
  4. The profiles lack pictures of their friends or family members.
  5. There are no tags on the pictures for any of their friends.

To keep your dignity intact, make sure you don’t become too creepy. Though snooping on someone’s social media accounts sounds outright sinister, it can save you from scams. This minor offensive step can actually be your best defense.

Make Google your best Friend:

Searching on Google has become a verb altogether. Googling is a common phenomenon these days, and people prefer searching for everything on Google. Just a simple knowledge of this search engine can help you from getting duped.

  1. Google image search: With Google reverse image search, you can search anyone’s image from the person’s profile. If the results of your search show up images mentioning it belongs to people with different names and residing in separate locations, you may have good reason to suspect them.
  2. Search for similar profile bio: It is typical behavior of a scammer to have the same profile bio in all their accounts. There can be many grammatical errors. Usually, scammers are from countries where English is not their main language. So, major grammatical errors always ring some warning bells.

Look for Red Flags:

As mentioned, there are some obvious red flags, which many people miss. Always keep an open eye and attitude to pick these subtle signs.

  1. Beware if an individual seems too good to be true. Do check them online.
  2. Beware if the individual persuades you to leave dating service and communicate directly through chatting apps of personal numbers.
  3. Beware if the individual always evades meeting in person. Even if they agree, they will make excuses to cancel them over and over again.
  4. Beware if the individual tries to isolate you from your loved ones and persuades you that everybody is against you, and he/she is the only person you should trust.
  5. Beware if they confess their love for you too quickly, even before you meet them in person.

Keep a balanced mindset and protect your private information:

Online scammers are nothing but con artists. They are masters of deception. They know the exact ways to manipulate you and bring them into their narrative of life in general.

It’s easy for anyone to get fooled into thinking that you may have an intimate relationship with your online match. When you are constantly texting and talking to a person throughout the day, it’s obvious to feel a natural attraction to the other person.

However, while all this conversation is happening, you need to have a closer look. Ask yourself below questions:

Are you in constant touch with this person?

Why are they not ready to come face-to-face?

Are you prepared to get so much emotionally involved with a person who is not ready to come out of this phantomized image?

Don’t fool yourself thinking into you have an intimate relationship because you are connected online. Dating platforms like Dating Blush have some great advice in this regard. You must always approach online dates practically. Always refrain from getting emotionally invested in a person before you met them for real. Romance scammers know how to convince and manipulate you.

Don’t get money involved:

Never send money to anyone you have only communicated with online or by phone, this is just basic. Isn’t it? If your online prospect gives you a sob story or a convincing story that they need some financial help on an urgent basis, don’t fall into that trap.

Even if you want to help, do it the right way. If they claim they are U.S. citizens stuck in foreign locations and need funds, refer them to their local U.S. Embassy. If you still want to send money, do it via the U.S. Department of State Office of Overseas Citizens Services (OCS) Trust.  Always refrain yourself from transferring funds from your personal bank account.

Once you send money, you will be a cash cow for life. It’s always ok to say, “No.” If their love or affection is genuine for you, then they will stick around- with money or no money.

Final thoughts

Meeting your online date is a crucial milestone. We recommend if you are staying in the city, it must happen within the first week. If they are in a separate city or country, at least have a virtual face-to-face interaction. There is no dearth of video chatting apps these days, which is making them avoid it.

Moreover, listen to your gut. Your instincts never deceive you. If you feel something is not right, leave it then and there. You can take the help of a friend or someone from a family who can give you a third-person perspective on your situation and an online relationship. That’s the best you could do when you have any doubt.


The #1 Hands Down Reason Why Online Dating Beats Blind Dating

Permalink - Posted on 2020-07-27 15:57

Or, Maybe it is…Here’s the Situation

Almost everyone knows what it feels like to be on a blind date. Most all of us have been to the point where their usual dating tactics just weren’t working for them for some reason or another and they needed a new direction to go in. So, we turned to our friends for help. And what do they get us? A perfectly good blind date.

What’s Wrong With this Picture?

Imagine this scene… You accept the date because your friend has so graciously stuck his head and neck out for you to get someone to go out with you for a night. You get on with your life wondering if the person really is perfect for you, as your friend described. Then the night looms near.. Then it happens. Just as you thought it would. A perfectly good blind date… From hell.

Here’s what happened- the two of you are in a restaurant and you haven’t even ordered dinner yet, but you are already wondering if you should dip out now, or if you should give your date the benefit of the doubt, as the drinks just came and you already know it’s doomed. You were hoping for a romantic dinner in one of the nicer places in town, after all that’s what a good first date consists of, right? But, what you actually got was a dinner consisting of french fries and onion blooms as the veggies and peanuts and chips for the protein and dessert, as you wound up in a sports bar, and not one of the nicer ones, either.

The scene kind of reminds you of something out of candid camera; there is no possible way anyone in the world would consider this as a good first date, could they? Especially considering it is a blind date, you would think they would give a bit more of themselves, right? To try and make themselves look good? Yeah, of course you would think this, but then again, that is the problem with blind dates, you never know what to expect. And if a friend recommended the person to you, you feel obliged to deal with it for the night, even though you would much rather be sitting in a water torture camp, next in line to be tortured.

The Date that Should Have Been

So, online dating is just the same right? Well, not really. Of course, when you talk to a person at first, you don’t really know them, but you at least have some idea as to what they are about before you go off with them. With blind dates, you really have no idea as to what you are getting into when you accept the date. But with online dating, before you actually accept a first date, you already know their name, where they live and what they are about, for the most part. And you even know if you will be compatible together, considering you have access to their profile and, more than likely, if you have been chatting for a while, they have told you even more than what is on the profile.

The thing that is so great about online dating as compared to blind dating is, because you pick the person, you will never be stuck in a situation like described above. A situation like that is just not possible with online dating because you know everything beforehand and, you know what you are getting into. With a blind date, you are lucky you even know their name, right? And always, before the first date even happens, you agree on the place the date will take place, meaning no surprises or disappointment when the date night arrives.

I Just Can’t Explain This – Can You?

So why, then, are there those people who actually prefer the blind date over the online date? Who knows. honestly, I have no idea why. There really is no benefit for a blind date. In fact, there is really no need for them anymore, as there once was. In the past, blind dates were had because there was no other alternative. In the past when blind dating was thought of, there was no online dating to choose from. So, it became just another way of meeting people.

Then when online dating came along, and when it got popular, things began to change. People realized they would have more choice of who they can be with and the dates they go on. They no longer had to rely on the word of a friend for a date, so things started going smoother for them. But even to this day, there are those people who still prefer a blond date as opposed to any other form of dating. I don’t know, maybe it’s the excitement, or maybe they are afraid of technology and they don’t want to take the chance. What I do know is, and I think I speak for most of the dating world when I say this-It is better to know what you are getting into, rather than guessing and maybe becoming the next serial killer’s meal for the night~JC Torpey


Cougars & Their Boy Toys:Why Should Older Men Have All the Fun?

Permalink - Posted on 2020-07-27 15:40

Women are Human Too

Since when are men the only species allowed to have any kind of fun? For the longest time, centuries, even, men have been dating younger women and for the most part it is seen as an acceptable act. But for women, the act of an older woman dating a younger man is seen as… Well, um-dirty and downright wrong. In fact, in recent times, more and more older women have begun to date men, sometimes much younger than themselves. And the world has labeled these older woman as Cougars, for the analogy of them as predators feeding on the younger men who are supposed to be the prey. This makes it seem as if the world has not yet caught up with this trend, as most people do not like the fact older women do this. They see it as something more than what it really is. Well, I say it is time to put the world in its place because why should things be any different for women then they are for men? Why is it OK for an older man to date a younger woman and not the other way around?

The Celebrity Syndrome

It has always been the case that if someone in Hollywood does it, it must be OK, right? It would seem that way, that’s for sure. Many older women celebrities, like Demi Moore, Madonna and Susan Sarandon, have got together with younger men and now there is even a hit television show called Cougartown, starring Courtney Cox-Arquette, the older woman younger man stigma is starting to mellow out. And in the case of Susan, she was together with her mate for a little over 20 years, although they have now split, about a month ago. Ever since these women have started the trend, the rest of the women, as well as the rest of society, seem to be catching on, but in a way that says, they do not approve at all.

The Real World Catches Up

Because women in the world are just starting to catch on to this trend, or they are at least just making it public, many people are starting to take notice of what is going on. It is almost like the Older man younger woman stereotype, just from a bit of a different perspective, is all.

You see, today’s society is a far cry from what it used to be. Not too long ago, women got married while they were still in their late teens, had kids with their husbands and lived a long, happily married life with their husbands, to be together always and forever. But these days, with the ever rising rates in divorce, things are changing for women. They are now getting back into the dating game at a later age and while they may not have any children to take care of anymore, they still have their careers and they want to have some fun at the same time. They are almost like reborn teenagers. And these reborn teenagers need to get out and have some fun just like the rest of the women do. The only difference here is the fact these women are newly single.

Making the Case for Cougars

Here’s the problem with older women. When they go out looking for a second chance at love, they are bombarded with a whole host of men their own age. While normally dating someone your own age is supposed to be a good thing, when you are in your early 40′s to 50′s dating someone your own age doesn’t have the same charms it once did. For the most part, these older women don’t like what they see in these older men.

Older men have a tendency to think about one thing when they get to their middle age, the age when they are going through their “mid-life crisis.” They want to know how whatever it is they are doing or who ever they are with are going to help their careers or their business. If a woman is with a man of this age, he is less likely to support her and her efforts in this area because as he is the man, he should technically, according to most “old fashioned’ social standards, be the bread winner of the family, not her.

Also there’s the fact some older men tend to wind down physically around this age as well. It has been scientifically proven most women in their 40′s are just getting to their sexual peaks. This usually means they are wanting a little more action in the bedroom then their same age partners are willing or able to give them. And incompatibilities like this are what can ruin an already strained relationship. For many couples, it is the breaking point, which is why many couples these days are finding themselves divorced mid-life.

Enter the Younger Man: The Boy Toy

So, what can a younger man give a woman her same age counterpart cannot/ For starters, guys hit their peaks in their late teens, so if an older woman catches his younger friend early enough, there’s the added benefit of a very rambunctious sex life. Most guys in their 20′s think about sex up to 100 times a day and want it even more. This is about the same way an older women feels when they hit their peaks. Not only does a guy this age want sex all the time, they want it with you. they know you are much older than them and they know you have probably become quite experienced when it comes to tricks between the sheets. And they are counting on this. They want to try everything you know, even if it is only because you know more than them, they want to be able to say they did it, and they did it with you.

A perfectly compatible couple in the bedroom is only the beginning, however. There is also the financial benefit to consider. Most women in their 40′s are set in their careers, meaning they have financial security of some kind. Not to say the younger man is a “gold digger’ in the sense that all he wants is her money, absolutely not. What I am saying is when there is a genuine relationship that is going somewhere, the younger man will eventually benefit from her financial security. Many younger guys get the start to a business idea financed from this financial security, or are able to attend college because she sees it as an important investment in his future. And it really is, if you think about it. A genuine younger man who has nothing but good intentions for the older woman who snatched him up is going to use the opportunity to go to school or start a business and put it to good use. These are the older guys you see later in life who have made a name for themselves after starting out with nothing, except for the fact they had an older woman to help them oout when they were younger themselves.

Why Care What The World Thinks?

When two people want to be with each other, why should they care what the world thinks? It is only natural two people are going to be attracted to each other and want to be with each other and not care about what age they are. So, what, because of some morality issues the world or some religion has against two people in love with each other because they are so different in age they can’t be with each other because it is morally wrong on some invisible level?

If you find yourself in love with someone whom the world, or your family even, thinks is wrong for you to be with, think about what it is that you want and what, or who, makes you happy. Then ask yourself a question. Are you breaking any state or federal laws? No? OK, good. Then then you should go right on dating whom ever it is that makes you happy. Those people have no right to tell you you cannot be with the person you love, period and end of story.


3 Simple Tips To Remember When Calling A Girl

Permalink - Posted on 2020-07-27 15:31

So how do you follow up on all those phone numbers you got by now that you’re bringing so many new women into your life using the advice in Loveawake blog?

Without getting into the nitty-gritty details of our comprehensive system for dealing with calling a girl, here are 3 simple tips to keep in mind. These are applicable whenever you call a girl to ask her out and schedule a date, and they’re probably useful in most other calling situations as well.

Always Smile When Calling A Girl

It’s important to smile on the phone. As the old saying goes, “They can hear your smile over the phone.” While calling, we want to give off a friendly vibe without getting caught up in small talk or conversation. We want the call to be short and to the point – schedule the date in a friendly, prompt manner, while saving all the questions, answers, jokes, humor and stories for the date itself. Best way to do that is to simply smile while you’re on the phone, and allow your voice to carry that levity with it.

Look In The Mirror When Calling A Girl

The next tip for calling a girl is to look in the mirror. This helps because you can make sure you are relaxed and speaking naturally. Seeing yourself smiling will help you internalize the kind of positive vocal tonality that you project into the phone call. Or, if you’re not smiling, looking at your dour face will quickly give you the swift kick to the pants you need to remember to show them pearly whites. Watch yourself, relax your shoulders and smile.

Stand Up While Talking On The Phone

Standing while talking gives you more authority, resonance and voice projection. It also makes it easier to breathe properly and thus speak properly. Stand up with your phone in hand, face the mirror, smile, dial her number, speak slowly with a friendly tone and keep the conversations short, polite and to-the-point. Schedule a date with her (or not, depending on her response), then get off the phone. Write down anything important about the phone call and then go to the next date prospect in your list of numbers and give her a call.

Repeat this until you’ve called all the numbers on your prospect list, then head out, go meet some more women and hustle some new phone numbers.


3 Ways To Improve Your Dating Life With Chocolate

Permalink - Posted on 2020-07-27 15:27

I believe it was Wesley Willis who once said, “Chocolate kicks a dead llama’s ass.” Well, maybe he never said that, but it sounds like something he would have said.

So why do we like chocolate?

Because not only is chocolate so awesome that could very well indeed kick a dead llama’s ass, it’s always incredible useful for dating. Here are three quick ways to incorporate chocolate into your dating life, propelling it light years ahead of any dead llama competition.

Chocolate As A Meal

As we’ve discussed in previous posts, we like to structure our dates as an activity / meal.

We use the word “meal” very flexibly. A date-meal could actually be sitting down at a cafe for a coffee, heading to a pub for a drink, getting some ice cream or even sitting down in the park and chomping on a bar of chocolate. While it may not be the healthiest meal choice, it’s a fine and dandy snack to enjoy with your date.

Chocolate As A Gift

I once knew a man who did not like chocolate. A more damning afflication I know not. Save that one poor soul, everyone likes chocolate. That means everyone likes getting chocolate. That means giving chocolate is one of those perfect gifts that the receiver will most certainly enjoy…

A well timed gift of chocolate to a woman who enjoys gifts and who’s earned will go a long way.

The key to remember is – has she earned the chocolate?

Giving gifts just to try to make a girl like you doesn’t work (although she might like the gifts) and usually results in her respecting you less.

But take a girl who already likes you and give/feed her chocolate as a reward for her good behavior… That’s much more powerful.

Better yet, have her bring YOU chocolate and then reward her with…

Sex And Chocolate

Some say chocolate is an aphrodisiac. We’re not really sure if that’s true or not, but we have found that busting out chocolate during breaks in sexytime does do the following:

  • Chocolate gives you / her a chance to recover while snacking on something that tastes good
  • It goes good with water, another essential supply to consume during sexytime breaks
  • Also, it’s been well documented by scientists that chocolate gives you a quick mood / energy boost
  • You can use it to segue into food play, smearing chocolate all over each other and then licking it off

All of these functions make chocolate arguably one of the best consumable substances to bring to bed.


Are You Using Money Or “Game” To Hide Your Weaknesses?

Permalink - Posted on 2020-07-27 14:58

Learn how to utilize advantages like looks, how money and “Game” can attract women with agendas while conveying weakness to high value women (plus what to do instead) and then get a concrete course of action to take for improve you dating life.

A couple days ago, a guy left a comment on our blog that highlights several key issues that many guys are going through.

At first, I was going to simply respond to his comment, but because this is such a core issue, I decided to make this blog post about it.

You can read my line-by-line response to his comment below.

I’ll deal with the issues of utilizing your advantages, how money and “Game” can attract women with agendas while conveying weakness to high value women (plus what to do instead) and give a concrete course of action for the comment writer that will also be helpful for anyone else out there looking to improve their dating lives.

Hi,

I’m a 33-year old banker with a severe dating challenge.

Despite having a prestigious job and being fairly good looking and over six feet tall I have never been in a meaningful relationship all my life.

From my self-assessment, the reason I don’t approach women is because I’m just too stiff and fearful of showing my klutzy self so I pretend not to be interested or cool. Honestly nothing could be further from the truth. Because of lack of practise in this game earlier in my youth I’m so defective in dating dynamics and most women see right through the veneer of confidence I may feign to cover my weaknesses. In the very few occasions I mustered courage to talk to women and start going out with them I inevitably started splurging money on them.

Please help. Is there any hope of turning my klutzy nature to advantage?

Jide

Hey Jide, thanks for you comment. You’re in luck because we’ve decided to breakdown your comment line-by-line and give you advice on everything you mentioned.

 I’m a 33-year old banker with a severe dating challenge.

Welcome. You’ve come to the right place. Your story is more common that you might realize.

Despite having a prestigious job and being fairly good looking and over six feet tall

Being good looking, tall and a banker can all be played as advantages… Yet without the proper mindset and without taking the proper action, they can hold you back as well.

We once taught a guy who’s a dead ringer for Johnny Depp, but was at a loss with how to go about finding a really great girl. Even though he had a massive advantage most guys would kill for (looking like one of the world’s most popular celebrities), before he met us he was just as frustrated (maybe more) than most guys.

What’s worse about it was that, since most girls thought he was “good-looking,” he felt extra pressure that he should be doing better. This massively conflicted with his reality of not doing better.

“Everyone tells me that getting any girl should be easy since I’m so good-looking, but I still get shot down more often than not. Why is this so frustrating?”

The fact of the matter is he lacked the knowledge about what actions to take in order to best utilize his advantages. While looks, height and prestige certainly can help, finding girls who are honestly into you is the most important element (these are the kind of women who you don’t need “game” or money with because they are into you, for who you are, and if you were another guy, they wouldn’t be into him because he isn’t you). Only then will those advantages become apparent.

If she isn’t into you right from the beginning, then nothing can even start. Her liking you right off the bat is the ticket to the races.

Key in all this is knowing how to screen out women with malicious agendas, leaving only the women who are actually into you, then all those other advantages work with you to have an even more striking effect on the women you meet who are into YOU right off the bar.

The first step is meeting women.

The next step is screening women.

And I have never been in a meaningful relationship all my life.

That’s good news. Especially for a guy with your material advantages.

If a girl caught you and guilt tripped you into a relationship and/or marriage in the state you’re in right now, you could have ended up losing half your money.

Starting from a clean slate is a great place to be.

From my self-assessment, the reason I don’t approach women is because I’m just too stiff and fearful of showing my klutzy self so I pretend not to be interested or cool.

Sounds like someone somewhere along the line sold you a bill of goods about what you “have to be” in order to attract women into your life. Something along the lines of guys “have to be cool,” or “have to be ‘in state,’” or “have to be alpha,”or “have to impress her with a fancy dinner date,” or “have to have game.”

All of that stuff matters about ZERO when you’re getting out and meeting lots of women, simply as a regular guy, not trying to persuade her to like you.

Once again, a clean slate (stiff and klutzy) is a great place to start. When you’re stiff, you can STILL go and approach women. Some of them might even like you for what you think is stiff.

Her: “Stiff? I didn’t think so! I liked him!”

Likewise, you can be a total klutzy AND still go approach women… And some women might even like you for what you think is klutzy.

“Klutzy? I thought that was totally my fault when we bumped into each other!”

Take one of our favorite role models, Cary Grant. The characters he plays in his movies are always ultra smooth, always gently smiling, always impeccably dressed and always being chased by women. Yet at the same time, he trips over his own shoelaces, tells jokes that no one else gets and makes goofy childish faces… And it works out all in his advantage. He’s even more likeable and human for his slight wackiness.

Honestly nothing could be further from the truth. Because of lack of practise in this game earlier in my youth

The best time to start is now. Colonel Sanders

started franchising KFC at age 65. At the ripe young age of 33, you’ve got plenty of time to turn things around.

I’m so defective in dating dynamics and most women see right through the veneer of confidence I may feign to cover my weaknesses.

Not your fault. These days society-at-large, TV programming, parents, teachers, politicians, religious leaders and the Ice Capades are all cranking loads of junk data on how to relate romantically and sexually with the opposite sex. This inevitably leads many otherwise good guys to the inability to form relationships and/or only being able to find unfulfilling relationships.

Even while “Game” and “splurging money” might help guys find temporary fleeting success, these strategies ultimately communicate to high quality women of self-esteem and beauty (and otherwise normal girls who might honestly like you) that this guy has weaknesses that need to be covered. Those things actually create a lot more problems than they solve purely because of the fact that guys can feel like they get short-term success from both, when in the long run, “game” and “splurging money” can both be huge barriers to creating meaningful relationships with really great women who honestly like you for who you are.

In the very few occasions I mustered courage to talk to women and start going out with them I inevitably started splurging money on them.

Read up on these articles about how to run 1st dates.

Keep them inexpensive – doing so will drive away some girls, which is great, because those girls are gold-diggers, mercenaries, users and attention-seekers. On the other hand, hot, high-value women who are into YOU won’t care. They want to be with YOU – they don’t care whether it’s at the local cafe or a fancy restaurant. Learning how to screen out the ones who have an agenda is the surest path to being able to find, meet AND keep a really high value woman.

Please help. Is there any hope of turning my klutzy nature to advantage?

Here’s a list of things you can do to get started on the path to finding, meeting, attracting, dating and keeping a high-value woman of exceptional beauty and accomplishment:

  • Watch Charade starring Cary Grant. While he’s smooth and Audrey Hepburn’s character totally chases after him the whole movie, his character also has a zany, wacky, goofy (maybe you could even call it klutzy!) edge to him that he works to his advantage.
  • If you’re not already in shape, start working out several times a week. Sign up for the gym, or for a dance class and/or martial art that interests you – learn to control your body. This may take some time but the immense return on investment will stay with you your whole lifetime.
  • Do you live and/or work in a major city with considerable pedestrian traffic? Schedule some time out for a few days this week and spend an hour or two talking to as many women as you can. Simply walk up to any attractive woman you see and say, “Hi. What’s your name?” Say, “Nice to meet you.” Shake her hand. Make her laugh with a short conversation (optional). Then say, “Hey, tell me your phone number.” If she asks why, say “So I can call you and ask you on a date for coffee.”
  • Do you live somewhere without many women to talk to? Compile a list of 5 places near where you live and/or work in which you can start meet more women. Your new gym, dance and martial arts studios might be included here.
  • Come back in a week or so and tell us what action you’ve taken, what improvements you’ve made, what else you’d like to improve and what you’ve noticed since you started taking action.

You can leave comments on our blog of course, or you reach us via email through our contact page.


Mobile Phone Etiquette While Dating

Permalink - Posted on 2020-07-27 14:42

Good mobile phone etiquette while dating is essential for a man to understand how to date high value women AND how to find high value women. Read exactly what to do…

We recommend the following: Keep your smartphone completely out of sight the entire time you’re with your date. In fact, best to turn it off. At the very least, put it on manner mode while keeping it 100% out of sight the whole time.

Deviate from that at your own risk.

More interesting is how we deal with this behavior from the women we’re dating. Let’s say she pulls out her phone while sitting down for a first date at a coffee shop.

Do me a favor, will you? When we’re together, turn off your phone. That way we can focus on enjoying our time together. Thanks. I will now let you dominate me in every other way for the duration of our relationship. Cool.

That’s how most of us tend to handle it.

One of our guys tend to be a little more, how shall we say… hardcore about the whole thing.

The first time she picks up her phone to answer it, he’ll raise an eyebrow and smile softly. The smart ones, the observant ones, notice that right away, and bury the phone on their own volition. The oblivious ones continue right along.

The second time the oblivious ones reach for their phone, he simply stands up and says,

Obviously your business on your phone is very important to you, so how about I let you handle it without interruption. I had a fun time. Bye.

And he walks away without looking back.

Mobile Phone Etiquette While Dating

Breeding, manners, and class make their appearance early on in the relationship – thus one of the major themes we love to discuss here is Identifying how to spot red flags.

Sure, there are exceptions to this ‘rule.’

For example, if she were to put her smartphone on the table when the date starts and says,

Excuse me, I’m normally not this rude, but I am expecting an important business call from my main supplier in China and I have to arrange for the delivery of quite a large sale for my company. I am sorry if it interrupts our time together; it’s my work.

or

I’m really happy to see you today. My Mother might call during our time together as my Father is just getting out of surgery and I really hope he is okay. Is it alright with you if I keep my phone here, just in case?

Those kinds of preambles get her a pass.

We’ve had girls who’ve dated us for months who don’t even know what our phones look like (talk about being a mystery to women!).

We recommend you do the same.


Go Into Superhero Mode at Will

Permalink - Posted on 2020-07-27 14:28

What if I said you could change your mood, attitude and thoughts instantly with a simple tool? One moment you feel tired and bummed out, the next – you’re a shining beam of confidence and energy. Just snap your fingers and feel like a champion.

By the end of this post, you’ll be able to do all that and much more.

The best part is, I’m not even trying to sell you anything! I’m giving you this tool for the low, low price of $0.00. It’s called “Anchoring.”

Anchoring is what links an internal response (a mood, a state, a feeling) to an external stimulus. Sounds fancy, but your life is actually full of Anchors.

Does a song remind you of a special time or place? That’s an anchor. Does a venue remind you of all the good times you had there? That’s an anchor. Does the sound of your alarm clock fill your heart with dread? That’s… You get the idea.

The good news is, you can create and use anchors for your own advantage. When I used to be shy about talking to girls, I anchored “confidence” to a touch behind the ear. Every time I felt bashful, I would use my anchor to overcome my fear – and it worked!

Too much work?.. If only you had an anchor for “Productivity”!

Picking a Stimulus

We’ll begin by creating a positive-state anchor. Choose an anchoring stimulus and a keyword for your desired state. For the anchoring stimulus, pick an action that requires no external objects, e.g. touching your nose.

When picking a stimulus action, make sure it’s something you don’t usually do. Let’s say you rub your nose often: anything you anchor to that motion will soon become contaminated and useless. Here are 2 motions I use for anchoring:

1)   Pressing my middle fingers together

2)   Placing my index finger on my neck

Picking a Positive State

Once you’ve chosen a stimulus action, pick a positive state. I recommend choosing a single power word to describe it. The more powerful and meaningful the word, the better: freedom, confidence and power are all good.

For our example, I’ll give you the instructions for anchoring “Confidence” to a touch behind the ear. If you want to use another state or triggerknock yourself out; just adjust the instructions as necessary.

Instructions

  1. Think of your power word: in this case, confidence. Imagine, in as much detail as possible, what it would be like to be confident. How would you act? What would you say? What would you be able to achieve? How would other people treat you? Use your imagination; daydream if you like, and involve all your senses – sight, smell, hearing, etc – in the fantasy. Experience all the positive emotions that being confident would make you feel.
  2. Once you have a clear and vivid image of what a confident you would feel and be like, gently press your index finger behind your ear and keep it there. Make a brief list of the most important benefits being confident would give you.
  3. Imagine the confidence you want – and all the benefits it could bring – becoming a part of your life. Think: “I am confident!”
  4. Remove your finger from behind your ear. Imagine waking up tomorrow morning and going about your day with your newfound confidence. Once again, visualize vividly: how will you act tomorrow? What will you see? What will you hear? And how awesome will your life be now?

That’s it; you’ve just created a confidence anchor. Now, you can go into superhero mode at will by pressing behind your ear. It’s that easy! One last thing, though…

Anchor Maintenance

Think of your new anchor as a glass of water. You can’t keep drinking from a glass without refilling it; the same is true with anchors.

If you keep using the anchor to return to a positive state, you will exhaust it very quickly. That’s why it’s important to “re-fill” it as often as possible. This is best done when you are in your desired state naturally.

So the next time you wake up feeling confident, touch yourself behind the ear. As an alternative, you can always repeat the exercise to make your anchor a little stronger.


How To Strengthen Your Self-Esteem Every Day

Permalink - Posted on 2020-07-27 14:15

Most people have an “If I” attitude to self-esteem. “If I get that raise, I’ll finally be happy with myself.” “If I had a better car, I’d be the man.” They think that becoming richer or more accomplished changes things.

This, of course, is crazy. Self-esteem is all about you – your self – and not what you have! This is why rich, famous individuals can be so insecure; real life success has little effect on how we feel about ourselves!

One of the tools I’ve used to build confidence and self-worth into students is gratitude. It sounds crazy, but check out this post and see if you don’t feel like a badass after following my tips.

What Makes Us Feel Like Crap

Too much about Western Culture makes us feel like crap.

  • Actors and models we see look perfect while we feel ugly in comparison.
  • In our extremely competitive society, any form of “losing” is shameful.
  • Celebrity worship and “spectatoritis” – we increasingly view ourselves as passive spectators rather than equal players in the game of life.
  • Less time spent socializing makes us more self-conscious about ourselves.
  • Sedentary lifestyles are ruining our bodies; skyrocketing obesity rates.

Unless you’ve been living in a cave your whole life, you know how bad things are. Up to 24 million Americans suffer from an eating disorder; I’m not from the U.S., but that number alone tells you how unhappy people are with themselves!

On top of that, people believe that certain accomplishments – more money, a better body, more love – can make them feel better. This is why liposuction and plastic surgery is so popular – some individuals try to fix their internal problems by changing what’s outside.

Crazy!

Dwight Howard – one of the best basketball players in the world – made a horrible career decision because he wants the public to like him. Actors and actresses talk abot their insecurities all the time. Being beautiful, rich and successful can’t create self-esteem; “the hole inside” can only be filled from the inside.

Fixing Low Self-Esteem… With Gratitude

2 years ago, I was helping young men meet girls every weekend (and I still do sometimes). This meant being in charge of up to 10 shy dudes and – somehow – making them feel confident enough to talk to girls.

If you know anything about men, you understand how scary talking to a woman you’ve never met before is. So I used every technique and method I knew – from personal experience and as a dating coach – to help . From getting physically charged up to visualizing success, it all worked – but some of the strategies required weeks of regular practice before improving a student’s self-esteem.

Then I discovered gratitude.

Usually, techniques build self-esteem and confidence by filling “the hole inside” or distracting you from it. Positive affirmations give you new beliefs; visualization creates a better future in your subconscious; meditation brings awareness and dissolves internal issues. But gratitude is different.

By practicing gratitude, you bring your attention to all the great things you have. All the amazing stuff you take for granted becomes obvious, making it hard to feel bad about life – and yourself. Instead of changing or filling up your self-esteem “hole,” gratitude simply says: “This little thing? I can barely see it!”

Here’s how you practice gratitude:

  1. Find a few minutes of relative peace. In the morning, before sleep and during commutes are all good times.
  2. Make a mental – or written – list of all the things you’re grateful to have. Anything you have that others don’t is fair game.
  3. Simply go over each point as you’re making it and try to feel gratitude for all the gifts and opportunities you have in life. Think of all the people that come to mind, relive all the experiences and memories you’re grateful for.
  4. Stop whenever you’re bored or have had enough.

As you do this, your mind will learn to stop making negative judgements that make you feel bad – “I’m fat,” “I’m unhappy” – and charge you up with positivity every single day. Practice gratitude regularly; you’ll always be mindful of the value and gift(s) you have to offer the world. So in with the gratitude and out with low self-esteem!

Building self-esteem through confidence is funny, right? You’re feeling better about yourself by feeling better about everything you have. But guess what – it works!

I feel grateful every morning I wake up, because I have two arms; two legs; two eyes. It doesn’t sound like much, but many people don’t have that. Just by being a healthy, young man, I have a lot to offer; it’s hard to know that and still feel bad about myself!

Just give it a try; feel gratitude about your life right now and see how you feel. Don’t forget to leave a comment, too!


How Long Should You Wait To Text Her Back?

Permalink - Posted on 2020-07-27 13:45

Today we tackle the age-old question, stretching across the generations of human’s history, defying boundaries and stumping the world’s greatest thinkers since time immemorial:

How long should a guy wait before texting a girl back?

As with most of our takes on texting, the less you do, the better. That’s a good general guideline. However, we’re going to get really specific with this one. The answer to this ancient riddle mostly depends on who she is, and your relationship with her. So let’s break it down:

How Long Should You Wait To Text Back A Woman You Met Recently?

You meet a girl at a party / on the train / in line at the supermarket / through a friend. You’re interested in her, she seems to be into you. She texts you first. What do you do?

Correct move: You respond between 24 to 48 hours later.

This does the following:

  • Builds response potential on her end if she likes you (“Aaaaaah! When’s he gonna text me back?!?!”).
  • Avoiding being too available / too needy (“Wow, this guy texts me back right away! I have a new girlfriend to talk about all my guy problems with!”).
  • Weeds her out if she isn’t actually all that into you (“Man, this guy isn’t dancing to my tune. Meh.”).
  • Encourages girls with bad attitudes to tip their hands (“WTF! Why didn’t you call me right back! That’s so rude! I’m gonna text him 85 times, then kill his rabbit and boil it!”).

How Long Should You Wait To Text Back A Woman You’ve Been Dating?

If you’ve been dating her for less than about 10 dates or so, and she hasn’t asked for an exclusive boyfriend – girlfriend relationship, go with the same as above. Respond 24-48 hours later. It’s still casual, fun times dating.

Responding any faster at this early point in the relationship can backfire in several major ways:

  • It could lower her interest level in you. (“Ah ha. Now he’s texting me back faster. Got him. Next.”)
  • It could mess with the relationship dynamics in unfavorable ways that ultimately lead to all parties being unsatisfied. (“Ah ha. Now he’s texting me back faster. Good dog. Sit. Stay.”)
  • It could begin setting boyfriend-girlfriendesque precedents which opens up all sorts of problematic avenues by going bass-ackwards into a fuzzy-wuzzy relationshipy kinda “thing” which no one really knows WTF is going on. (“He insists he’s not my boyfriend but he sees me 5 days a week… What’s going on?!”)

How Long Should You Wait To Text Back Your Girlfriend?

This one is a bit different.

We recommend all guys clearly negotiate their terms before ever agreeing to an exclusive girlfriend / boyfriend relationship with a woman.

When they do so, how often texts are expected to be sent is likely to be an issue you want to cover.

We know an extremely happy couple in which the girl sends a flurry of texts every day, and guy never texts back – he opts for phone calls when he needs to talk to her.

Likewise, we know another happy couple where the girl sends a flurry of texts every day, and guy responds about once a day, or 24-48 hours later (as described above).

Ironing out these details before committing to a relationship will save massive headache and heartache down the road. Figure out what level of texting is acceptable and appropriate for you, then make sure to lay that out while negotiating the terms of your relationship.

(That being said, I still think the less texting going on in any romantic male / female interaction, the better. I like my conversations held face to face in reality with the women I’m dating.)